Friday, August 25, 2023

8-25-2023

8-25-2023
Apparently God lied to me again. I went to bed happy Thursday night because He told me my former girlfriend (fg) would show up this weekend and at a point was lead to believe it would be Friday.  I woke up Friday ecstatic, full of hope, and I was happy until she posted something that showed she was still far away.  Maybe I misunderstood what God meant, but it feels like a lie.

Mentally I am not doing good.  My once wife (ow) and my kids are all I have to turn to now and she was no help, I hung up on her, and put the phone on flight mode.

Taking all of my diabetes meds at once is sounding better and better than living with God and pretty much the rest of the world lying to me all the time.  From things as simple "as we'll get you a Switch with the tax return" (way back when it was released) or "we'll have the money for your shop with this new job" to as complicated as love, affection, and passion.  I have been promised or seen the promise of things I need so much that I don't really trust anything or anyone anymore.  Everyone has lied to me my whole damn life. I'm done, I'm just done.

OW is like give it time, but at the same time telling me we have to make our own way.  Damn it, I've been doing everything on my own with little to no help, and as far as FG goes I've been totally on my own.

I have been accused of things I did not do, stuff I would not do, and of things I did not say by FG.  I gave her unconditional love, and spoiled her as I could, but I got pushed aside and cast away for a job, even though I did my best to aid and assist her in getting her career going.  I am now at a point where it is becoming obvious to me that she does not care about me at all and probably never has even though she claimed I was her "ride or die" and has acknowledged I have saved her life more than once.  I guess with so many other lies in my life her promise to join me, and her expressions of love were just more lies to add to the incalculable list of lies told to and or about me in my life.

The promise of love, affection, and being with someone I care about has again been yanked away from me.

I am almost to the point of releasing The Dead Hand post (it will take out some big names when it goes up, and currently it's post date has to be reset every Saturday or it goes live the very next Sunday that I am not alive) and deleting all my social media, including YouTube, and since they are not selling anyways all of my books from publication.  Just give up, shut down, work toward retirement age and hope to just die on the job, or maybe in some horrible traffic wreck.

I had two people that have kept me here FG and Buttercup, now it is only Buttercup.  If anything happens to her I won't stay around as I will have nothing and no one left to stay for.

I just want to die, I'm ready to die

8-30-2023
So what has happened since Friday night when I wrote the above?
If you have not guessed I have not taken all of my meds though that was insanely hard not to do that night--only the thought of Buttercup kept me from doing that
I caught all of my dishes up Saturday
Cleaned and straightened my entertainment center
Went through some boxes of mostly garbage that have been sitting around since the move 4 years ago
I've been doing some soul searching and mental work
Working with my tarot deck
Letting the Universe guide me on some questions
Meditating
Wrote some long things to FG

Took my divorce papers for OW to the courthouse only to find out that three of the forms have been replaced and I need OW to fill out the new forms and try again...third times a charm? 

I got a response to a question posed to FG on Monday but it was just a few words and I have had nothing since.

My gut tells me the relationship is not over.  My heart tells me she loves me.  My head is unsure as her actions are not matching my feelings.  She is not quiet enough to be considered as to have "ghosted" me, but the silence is enough to be considered technically ghosted.  My spirit guides are telling me to be patient with her because I cannot see what is happening on her end, but I am not a patient person by nature--part of why I make a good manager is needing fairly constant status updates and I must be good at it because I have been in management positions since I was 17 years old.  I keep getting the same message that I will suddenly get a really long letter explaining everything.  There are hints of spell-work and dark craft between us too.  I have been given a lot more but I won't share that lest I screw up what is in the works.  Inside I feel like Moses battling words with Ramses and God keeps hardening her heart against this.  The biggest and clearest message though has been "Do NOT give up on her" that is a command I cannot ignore and one more reason I cannot self terminate as to do so would be to give up on her.

I am running down though and I really don't know how much longer I can adhere to that recent command in general.  To quote Bilbo "I feel like butter that has been spread over too much bread."  I need prayers for my strength to hold out, for her to realize what I see in her, and for any spells/prayers set against us to be broken.

Maura

Sunday, August 20, 2023

Central Bank Digital Currency

Okay I kind of gave a quick glimpse at this topic in another post.  Now let's do a deeper dive into the shallow end of the pool.

Let's start with my opinion and that is Central Bank Digital Currencies should be shunned, avoided, and lobbied against at a grassroots level.  So why?

All of your transactions will be tracked.  So if you want to buy a new BDSM harness, butt plug, THC infused gummy candy, or how about that flat black 36 inch barrel .50 caliber rifle, well the central bank will know you bought it.  So in a sense they create something that to my knowledge is illegal and that is a gun registry.  It also allows them to track down people who buy too much food or emergency supplies and lets them know where to find it for reallocation in a crisis.  All because they can and will track everything you do with that Digital Currency (DC).

Gone will be paying Mrs. Smith the retired lady down the street with an un-permitted daycare center to watch your child as how can you pay her if not in cash?  You won't be able to pay Fred the neighborhood mechanic, or Jenny who everyone knows can fix any computer printer in two hours.  None of them will be able to accept DC because they are all in the Grey Market Economy (GME).

I know, "Maura what the Hell is a GME?!"  GME is anything that is or could be legal but is done in cash.  Most people know that when they pay for labor in cash that the laborer is probably not going to report all or possibly not any of that cash to the government as income.  Nothing is done at the level of Black Market as all of it as I said could be legal.  By shifting everything to a DC though and everything being tracked Mrs. Smith won't be able to take payment lest she have to pay for expensive permits, a property that is zoned for commercial use, and if she offers to feed your kids a totally commercial kitchen--and you wonder why daycare is SO expensive?  Fred might be partially disabled but needs that little extra he makes on oil changes and brake pad swaps to be able to afford maybe food, prescriptions, or even clothes.  Without Jenny how many more printers get dumped in the landfill?

Now for those of you with very short memories a sheriff in Cook County Illinois a few years back caused a heck of a ruckus when he sent letters to credit card companies telling them to cease allowing payments for ads in Backpage.  He used his standing to leverage (read bully) the companies into doing exactly that and instantly a section of what in most areas is kind of in the Black Market Economy was cut off from advertising...one person managed this and it effected the entire nation and beyond.  Now if one sheriff in one county could cause this, imagine someone getting a central banker's ear and suddenly you can't buy ammo for a 30-06 or a 12 ga.  What if a central banker was a vegan and decided you couldn't buy meat because meat is murder and meat is a greenhouse gas emitter?  Oh, you want a part for your mint condition Austin-Healey?  Sorry, someone decided that car parts cannot be paid for if the car is over fifteen years old.  Or maybe you are suddenly only allowed to buy $20 a week in fossil fuel.  The list of eminent abuses is as lengthy as you can imagine because if you can imagine it then so can someone in power.

Essentially that DC will track everything you buy, every-time you swipe it they will know where and when you were somewhere.  They will know who has what and when they bought it.  They will know who is naughty or nice, who has extra rice, and who has a penchant for deviance.  It would not take long for a moral crusader to stop payments to everything they deem immoral, disgusting, or to just ration things for the Hell of it.

The two ways out of the system at that point will be barter or mostly violent protests, but then again what will you protest with if you can't buy protest tools?  Also if you barter out of say the food chain, they will know because you won't be buying enough food with your DC and if you think they can't monitor everything remember the Unidentified Flying Objects conspiracy theorists motto: that what we know the government has aircraft, spacecraft, and weapons wise, is not what they really have as the stuff that is classified won't be known for 20 more years when it is almost obsolete.  Artificial Intelligence could be way ahead of what we know and it would take something close to it to run DC on a national or planetary scale--which ultimately is the goal of the UN as they have floated that idea in the past.

Maura out

Wednesday, August 16, 2023

Things that will not change

Things "the government" doesn't really want to solve as taken from the original post, so let's walk through these:

-Corruption
There may well be a few congress critters that want to clean up corruption but like law enforcement the corruption is now endemic and I fear the only way we could be rid of it entirely is to completely clean house of every congress critter, every bureaucrat, every single government employee, at every level...sadly this would require a total reset and usually involves a "mostly violent mass protests" ie: revolution 

 

"I hold it that a little rebellion now and then is a good thing, and as necessary in the political world as storms in the physical. Unsuccessful rebellions indeed generally establish the encroachments on the rights of the people which have produced them. An observation of this truth should render honest republican governors so mild in their punishment of rebellions, as not to discourage them too much. It is a medicine necessary for the sound health of government."
- Thomas Jefferson to James Madison, January 30, 1787

-Fascism

Websters defines this term:
"a political philosophy, movement, or regime that exalts nation and often race above the individual and that stands for a centralized autocratic government headed by a dictatorial leader, severe economic and social regimentation, and forcible suppression of opposition"

Now it really does not matter if you are on the right, the left, or a centrist, we can all see the echos of fascism in our current political atmosphere.  We can all see that news outlets are biased and parrot whatever the current head of state or seemingly high ranking bureaucrat says ad nauseam.  We can all agree that what comes out of the mouth of all press secretaries is heavily edited, heavily biased, and many times, blatantly a lie.  We can all see our values as a whole being squashed by the boot of the other side, but few are willing to see that both "sides" are the same anymore and it is only a matter of optics that makes them appear to be different.

“The Party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command.”

― George Orwell, 1984

 

-Human rights

This is a very pliable term so no there is no congress critter that will try to solve it.  How flexible?  Health care is a human right.  Clean water is a human right.  Abortion on demand is a human right.  Safety in the womb is a human right.  Self defense is a human right...yeah the list gets long really fast, suffice to say it will always be used by one side or the other.

 

Sign, sign
Everywhere a sign
Blockin' out the scenery
Breakin' my mind
Do this, don't do that
Can't you read the sign?

 --Les Emmerson


-War
Anything involving the Military Industrial Complex (MIC) will never be fixed.  Congress critters are constantly bombarded by lobbyists from the MIC, many have bases that employ lots of local civilian workers in their districts.  Then how many have weapons manufacturing facilities in their districts?  To cut funding means putting constituents out of work that could be voting for them in the next term.
Now factor in how much of a stockpile of Illudium P-36 explosive space modulators can we keep around before we can't store them all?  So if you can't store them you have to use them.

"Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies, in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. This world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children. The cost of one modern heavy bomber is this: a modern brick school in more than 30 cities. It is two electric power plants, each serving a town of 60,000 population. It is two fine, fully equipped hospitals. It is some 50 miles of concrete highway. We pay for a single fighter plane with a half million bushels of wheat. We pay for a single destroyer with new homes that could have housed more than 8,000 people. This, I repeat, is the best way of life to be found on the road. the world has been taking. This is not a way of life at all, in any true sense. Under the cloud of threatening war, it is humanity hanging from a cross of iron."
--Dwight Eisenhower Address "The Chance for Peace" Delivered Before the American Society of Newspaper Editors, 4/16/53

-Gun Violence
No pun intended but this is a loaded topic.
Gun violence has a plethora of causes, broken homes, childhood trauma, drug and alcohol abuse, psychological operations--notice lately we have moved from school shootings to random mass shootings?  The failure of society to properly teach how a gun works and that it is a tool not a disagreement moderator.  We would do well to teach anger management, conflict resolution, and mindfulness, to our youth so anger does not become death.  We have gang problems that won't easily go away without crisis intervention.  So long as the issue can be spun both ways, and the press gobbles it up to regurgitate it, this isn't going to be solved especially since the solution is cheap and easy.

"Anger is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die."

--Buddha 


-Black Markets
I see the Central Bank Digital Currency (CBDC) as an attempt to crush both the black & the grey markets.*  It will make it near impossible to pay Mrs. Smith for watching the kids in an un-permitted day care that is in her home, the shade tree mechanic that the neighborhood all uses gets cut out too.  Both of these people are in the grey market.  Why do you think the current administration is now watching Pay-Pal, Venmo, and Cash App?
My fear is it's the front door to what the U.N. proposed back in 80's, a one world currency controlled by the U.N.
We need to be on a backed currency, be it gold, copper, lead, oak, whatever.  We need the option to conduct transactions in what backs the currency as we used to do.  I remember the fallout from Nixon taking us off the gold standard and it was not pretty...yeah, I'm getting old.

*More on this in an upcoming post 

Fiat currency is just like a Fiat car
Fix
It
Again
Tony

-Identity Politics
I once new a man that said: "The reason the government started bussing kids around instead of actually fixing the schools was to mix the races, so eventually no one could claim being a minority."  Now I am only quoting him here because in a sense he may have been onto something.  If enough people are confused they soon don't know who to be mad at.  If you confuse people enough, everyone soon is pointing fingers at well, everyone.
Lets take the current hot button issue of trans gender individuals:
"According to the Williams Institute, 1.4 million adults identify as transgender in the United States. About 0.5% of adults 18-24 identify as transgender, and 0.3% of adults 65 and older identify as transgender." Source

So we have a firestorm that is way out of proportion to reality.  We are passing laws against 0.5% of the adult population and how they live when we could be working on real problems.  The big issue is if this is what the media is showing us, what are they not showing us?

We are being split into an us versus them mentality.  As a population we are being diced up like an onion for a batch of chili when the fact that some of us are tomatoes, some onions, others are beans, and some are chunks of meat, is what makes the United States unique.  The whole melting pot tradition to me is a bit off as a melting pot is homogeneous and honestly kind of bland, but we are a batch of chili, spicy, thick with traditions, and each ingredient contributing to the whole experience.  So what are the LGBT in this?  A bit of spice, the same as the BDSM community, and the various religions too.  We can live peacefully together being black, white, indigenous, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Aussie, Catholic, Baptist, Pagan, atheist...each culture brings there own unique flavor to the whole and we should embrace them all and relish in the totality of the result.

“I don’t like ass kissers, flag wavers, or team players. I like people who buck the system. Individualists. I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you: ‘There is no I in team.’ What you should tell them is: ‘Maybe not. But there is an I in independence, individuality, and integrity.'”

--George Carlin 

 

-Police brutality
This is a tough one to really work out, but the only answer I feel is correct is that police unions have donated strategically to particular congress critters.  Considering we have factions that are "All Cops Are Bad" and "Back The Blue" both of which are probably a threat to the police unions it is easy to see why we can't get brutality brought under control so long as we have a heavy handed union to grease palms regularly. 

"He who has the gold makes the rules"

--Jaffar in Aladdin

 

-Infrastructure
It really doesn't matter who is in office they will always push for "shovel ready projects" whoever is in office will always be able to claim "See what my administration did for you?"  Why would anyone want to fix everything when they can wait and claim a win for their side?
For all the money we have dumped into foreign aid and foreign wars we could be much more advanced in our infrastructure--maybe even have real rest-areas again possibly with charging stations.  We could have fewer potholes, more secure bridges, etc.  Our Interstate highway system was built on the idea of being able to move infantry from one side of the nation to the other rapidly.  Right now between constant long-term repairs and marginal bridges, could we really use the system the way it was intended safely?

How did I get here?  Must have been that left turn in Albuquerque.

--Bugs Bunny 


-property rights for individuals 
If property rights were truly enhanced to their true point property taxes would be outlawed.  Full property rights would also make "Eminent Domain" a useless thing of the past.  By eliminating eminent domain though it makes it harder for the government be it local or Federal levels to take your property be it for a road, a military base, a sports arena, a park or civil asset forfeiture.

 “I believe the term is ‘eminent domain.’

Ah, yes.  That means ‘theft by the government,”
― Terry Pratchett

 

-tax schemes
No one in congress wants this cash cow to go away.  They can campaign every election on changing the tax code.  "Let's stick it to the rich!"  "We should exempt minimum wage workers from taxes!"  "We need to eliminate taxes on single mothers!"  Yes I have heard everyone of these in my lifetime so far and I am sure more will creep up that are even more bizarre.
A lot a sycophants will tell you that the United States has a very low tax rate compared to most countries.  The problem is those same people leave out a lot of taxes.  Typically you can figure on clearing 77% of your paycheck for the average worker after taxes so let's look a bit closer:
$15 an hour by 77% is $11.55 of that if we figure a 40 hour week we get $1,848 per month.  Now we take out rent that can't exceed 33% we are left with $1232.  Now using my own household economy I spend $125 on average for food but of that 9.35% is are taxes ($11.66) or $46.64 a month.  I use about 15 gallons of gasoline a week with $0.27 per gallon fuel tax so another $4.05 a week or $16.20 a month.  So in common, easy to just pull off the top of my head taxes, we hit $7992.92 a year or 26% and I have not added in cell phone taxes, utility sales taxes, sin taxes, property taxes, personal property taxes...
"Taxation is theft, purely and simply even though it is theft on a grand and colossal scale which no acknowledged criminals could hope to match.  It is a compulsory seizure of the property of the State's inhabitants, or subjects."


In closing I will leave you with a similar list being reflected upon from 46 years ago:

When I took office, our Nation faced a number of serious domestic and international problems:

• no national energy policy existed, and our dependence on foreign oil was rapidly increasing;

• public trust in the integrity and openness of the government was low;

• the Federal government was operating inefficiently in administering essential programs and policies;

• major social problems were being ignored or poorly addressed by the Federal government;

• our defense posture was declining as a result of a defense budget which was continuously shrinking in real terms;

• the strength of the NATO Alliance needed to be bolstered;

• tensions between Israel and Egypt threatened another Middle East war; and

• America's resolve to oppose human rights violations was under serious question.

--Jimmy Carter 39th President of the United States, State of the Union address January 16, 1981


Maura out

Sunday, August 13, 2023

8-13-2023

Ardent readers will have noticed that I posted nothing last week.  Saturday was spent with Buttercup, and Sunday was the trip down and back to take her home.  Once Wife meets about halfway along now and it keeps me from doing a 16 hour flip flop.  We need to find a more equal spot though as I do about 5 hours of drive to her 8, but like most details it will eventually work out.

Last Saturday was hair trimming day for me and I had Buttercup's done at the same time as otherwise I'd have to start calling her knot-head.  I think it was her first actual time getting her hair done by a beautician, and once up in the chair very articulately explained what she had asked Once Wife for as her last hair cut, and how she just did not like it on herself--the beautician was impressed.  So it got evened up, split ends clipped off and she was happy--note Once Wife did not mess it up Buttercup's hair grows uneven and she really just didn't like the bob cut she asked for.

While waiting for our hair trimmings we roamed around Target, and found a Minecraft Zombie for the extra bedroom.  We found Minecraft table lamps and she asked how much?  I told her and found her answer amusing "$40?! Are they crazy?!"  I think I will be making some bedside lamps to match in the near future.

Buttercup let me know in no uncertain terms she is upset with me and former girlfriend (FG) for not talking about the misunderstanding that has FG not here.  She feels we would be happy together (as do I) as I was so happy when I knew FG was coming.  "You did so much to get ready for her."  I had to explain that I am open to fixing things, that I have and am still trying to, but FG is the one stalling/ignoring, and swears she doesn't think it can be fixed; never tell me something can't be fixed as I will keep trying anyways--as proof I spent 25 years trying to fix things with Once Wife.

The only issue I had/have with FG is the suddenly going silent.  Yes I still blame the job from Hell as again the silence only started when the job ramped up and became demanding.  Remember her estranged husband, and mother both have the same opinion of her boss and job that I do, and I know this because FG told me herself.  The Universe keeps telling me to be patient.  That she does love me.  It gave me a very specific date and an event that would happen with her recently, and the event did happen on the date the Universe revealed.  So I follow the Universe's instructions and try to be patient--no I have not prayed/asked for patience.  (For those unaware, NEVER ask the Universe for patience as you get trials to teach you patience.)  I have been informed by the Universe that there is a third party at her end who has cast a spell/curse/hex between us as they did not like how she feels for me, it does explain a lot about the abruptness of everything.  I can only pray that her eyes are opened and she sees what I do soon: that her job is abusive to her and disrespectful of her time with her kids, that her boss is not who she thinks they are, that she has it in her already to do everything she does now on her own and for herself.  That I have in the past and even fairly recently tried to help her and am fully willing to help her set out on her own with what she does, but from here on, only if she is here with me.  Prayers are appreciated to help her see, and break whatever spells are set between us.

While FG is mentioned, I am having dreams about her again which I haven't for a while--no not that type so get your mind out of the gutter.  I can again feel strong emotions from her.  I can tell if she has read something I have sent her again as well.  Yes I have that close of a connection to her.

It has rained a lot here of late so last Sunday found me on the mower after I got home from dropping off Buttercup, and in trying to go over the front yard a second time I had a stick get in the drive belt...and shredded it.  So push 600 Lbs/272 Kg of zero turn mower back around the house and put it away--I'm glad my yard is flat.  Got the new belt Wednesday, put it in Saturday and got back to mowing.  The last owner of my property was a hoarder, like a big time hoarder and probably would have watched the show Hoarders and told them those were "rookie numbers!"  Now why do I mention this in a paragraph about mowing?  Because I have yet to get rid of all the flotsam and jetsam of his and there is a large encampment of flotsam that apparently some critter has been in and it managed to drag a long, heavy, piece of fabric out of the pile of mysteries which the mower blade grabbed, and wrapped around itself and a bearing tower in a tight embrace...I spent an hour extracting that piece of fabric from the mower deck.

Well try as I want the copy of Victim 18 from the proofreader will not allow me to open it for edits.  It came back with the active table of contents gone and for the upload it has to be active.  So all that waiting and then getting my own butt in gear was a waste.  The book is now active to buy but could be up to 72 hours before it propagates through Amazon's system.  I can't be upset with the proofreader as this book has been plagued with a series of issues since not long after I began writing it--on a Palm Pilot!  Word tried deleting it several times and was constantly changing the formatting.  I had a system wipe it to make room for a system update--why I no longer use Windows.  A constant battle has been waged between myself, software, and this book.  The big thing is it is active in both paperback and Kindle now and when it is available I will post links across all of my accounts--and here



I should get my heavily hail damaged SUV into the shop in late September?!  Yep, that many damaged cars in the area but golf-ball sized hail that covers your yard enough to look like gravel tends to do that.  I'm glad I put a steel roof on the house when I redid it or I'd have been looking at another roof already.

I guess that's about it for this week.

Maura out

Space musings

Let’s start with my normal disclaimer: I am by trade an HVAC/R Master Craftsman. What that means is I do understand a lot of math, physics,...