Maybe I'm just having a personal pitty party, but it is how I feel. I know it part stems from being in my head while mowing, on top of feeling lonely to the point it physically hurt, and I now understand some of the chronic pain I have felt for decades.
The last person to say "I love you" was Once Wife out of habit as a phone call ended. Beyond that the ex-girlfriend obviously never meant it or she'd have tried at some point in the last seven months to apollogize, but I know that won't happen as I know now what she is.
I've been isolated so long, I have one friend left, & they don't say much. Tried to meet up, but they went mostly silent.
I learned on Sunday that my friend (widowed in late August of '23) is seeing someone and has been since March, explains the issues with meeting up as well as the sudden silence. We started talking again back in April, why didn't she say something earlier? In ways I feel lied to as she avoided the one chance to meet because Buttrrcup was here...I guess I read too much into that. The sudden silence reminded me of Jobe and her silence, and to me that was a giant red flag.
I told the Universe "Jobe or no one" I see the deal is "no one". I'm done with friends and even the idea of a partner, they never go anywhere good and they have all lied to and/or abused me. Being a recluse will just take adjusting too, but for the forseeable future I don't plan to leave my yard except to get supplies or go to work. If I stay to myself then no one else can hurt me again, and I'm tired of being hurt.
Maura out
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