At this point I have been living totally alone for two and half years. I had hoped that the ex-girlfriend would have moved in two years ago, but that was a total future fake–aka a lie like everything else about her. At this point I am not actively looking, but I guess in the future I am sort of looking at starting totally over. It has been 37 years since I last truly dated; if we ignore the fake girlfriend that was in there–I do have to give her a couple of good points: she gave me the courage to walk away from a mentally controlling and abusive spouse, and in the fall out of seeing the fake girlfriend for what she is the ability to see the pattern of abuse in my life that culminated in her. Overall though it is a bit lonely around here most of the time.
I’ll admit some of this is superficial, but isn’t that what initially attracts anyone to someone else? We approach those we find aesthetically pleasing to us, and strike a conversation.
So what do I want in a mate:
True redheads are my Kryptonite–I’ll blame Daphne Blake of Scooby-Doo fame for this attraction.
True blondes come closely after redheads
I really don’t go for bleached blondes or dye job reds–yes I can tell because at my height I can see their roots
I love accents that are not from my region, I particularly like British, Yorkshire, Scots, Appalachian, Aussie, and once upon a time true Valley Girl–uptalk, vocal fry, everything is “like” anyone who has followed me for years knows why this one is now slightly rough.
I actually find freckles sexy
For me tattoos are a turn off. I can handle some, but not tatted up, sleeves, pants, large back, and face, tattoos are all turn offs. I also find facial, septum, and nipple piercings, and gauges, to be a total turn off–I am very empathetic and see them as extreme pain.
Someone who understands sarcasm as I use it A LOT.
Someone smart, not just book smart, but able to apply their brain to a task.
Someone that when they commit to an us honors that commitment completely and putting your job or others before us to me is not honoring the commitment.
Someone who doesn’t tell me one thing and others or social media something opposite.
What is between us stays between us only, no parents, no kids, no friends need know the intimate details of our life--yes this was an issue for me at a point.
If they have an issue with me, come to me to address it, and not post it as a subtweet for me to find, then when they are confronted about it go silent.
Independent but considers and respects my wishes within that–I do this and I expect the same back
No sudden undiscussed business trips, or outings with friends, I have no problem with either unless they are sprung on me–I have been cheated on too many times so preplanned and I know is really a courtesy that goes both ways between us. Honestly I will probably text or expect a call just to check in due to the lasting effects of being cheated on so hopefully that is understood early on.
Someone who does not make unilateral decisions that affect my life. Big decisions are a two party thing when two people are involved–I have had animals and people suddenly moved in without discussion and then gaslighted about it. To this day she won't take accountability for that.
Someone that when decisions are made between us respects and honors those decisions, not suddenly change their mind and try to gaslight me while getting violently angry about it–as simple as buying something we agreed not to buy because it could not be cleaned, then bought and all the price tags removed so it could not be returned…yeah, that went verbally violent with a heavy dose of gaslighting.
Someone who reciprocates my commitment to them
Someone who respects me as I am while understanding I am who I am at this point–I have a lot of unhealed issues from former partners that will take a longtime to heal…if ever.
Someone who honors my boundaries: no silence, no lies, no hiding things from me, no hidden social media accounts–yes I had an ex who claimed “I don’t have a Facebook” when in fact they had just set one up along with an Instagram that has pics that should have been either only between us, or she should at least have asked “would it bother you, if I posted this?”–this is respect. All of my social media is on my web page footers for all to find.
Someone who follows through with what they say they will do for me and when they say they will do it. I’ve had all kinds of plans just abandoned by one ex and move-in plans that were killed because of the other’s job commitments–supposedly.
Someone who puts our relationship ahead of everything else in their life except for our kids–even kids from an earlier relationship fall into “our” status to me–but even then respects our relationship as it is intended to outlast kids being at home.
After helping get the two former women in my life into and established in their careers I don’t know that I would want to risk that again; especially since the last one abandoned me for her job–a job that without a large input of help from me she would not have gotten–I wish I had never helped her now. Honestly, if you have a degree, are established in your career, and wish to date me, that's fine, but I won’t risk another abandonment for a new degree/career again. Maybe she needs to be blue collar, a trades woman, retail? (I consider any non-degree work as trades and include hairstylist, make-up artist, artist, dancer, waitress, cook, as trades as you trade a skill for pay)
I have issues when people have a Phd and call themselves "Doctor". To me doctor is a title for an MD as in Medical Doctor or medical field.
I really don’t care about their past so long as it does not haunt us. I genuinely don’t care if they are a former sex worker–escort, stripper, video performer...
I don’t do well sharing so they have to be faithful–hence “former” in the above.
Someone who can live without spicy foods at home as I love them, but can’t have them due to a nasty allergy.
Someone who wants to and is willing to have fun, maybe even cosplay, dance, sing, LARP, hiking, even mix things…cosplay/LARP while hiking?
Who will go hiking, camping, help with repairs around the house, yard, and the vehicles–they don’t have to know how, but assist as needed or even just be with me.
I’d like to have someone who doesn’t mind me dressing them up–getting them the clothes to not necessarily “dressing” them
I can’t stand the smell of perms and that smell lingers for days and days
At my human level–soon to be 55–I don’t want to have more kids of my own. I am not opposed to someone with existing children though–I was willing to take on two teenagers with my ex-girlfriend. They meant a lot to me, and in most ways still do.
As for me:
I’m almost 6’ 2” /1.9m
I’m still losing weight and am nearing ideal, but it is slow partly because food for one person is tricky
As is common knowledge I am diabetic so I run a sugar free house.
I do not and will not own a television
I detest Apple products because there end user license agreement is horrible
I do not and will not keep pets. I am highly allergic to most dogs and cats plus I think it is inhumane–that’s a post on its own really.
I do dress fem when not at work, and I dress up to go most anywhere.
I wear dresses regularly
My house is in a state of remodel. I do know where it is going and have a set order to that
My yard is over an acre, and hopefully will have a decent privacy fence in the near future.
There is a set of railroad tracks behind my house that see regular service
I hope to eventually make an income from my internet platforms and eventual merchandise sales
Honestly I can pretty much make or repair anything–except my ex’s
I actually do like to spoil girlfriends if I think they are long term–it may be blingy costume jewelry, and/or not always practical clothes, but still.
I am completely no contact with both ex’s–I only interact with the mother of my kids when I have to meet to swap Buttercup so maybe five minutes every eight weeks
My only family are my kids and granddaughter–aka Buttercup that’s it, no one else
My yard needs work
Mentally I’m a mess, ADD, CDO–aka ocd–trauma bonds, domestic violence issues…
I am a survivor of domestic violence, mental, physical, and sexual
I am a rape survivor
I’ve had several near death experiences and as such consider the Grim Reaper a longtime friend
I’ve known my longest friend for about 27 years now–at this point due to others in my life they are my only local on ground friend.
I like Minecraft–digital LEGO to me–Metroid, Zelda, considering getting Fallout & Skyrim, LEGO, obviously building things,
Movies, Lord of the Rings, Hunger Games, The Martian, Star Trek, Bond but only Mr. Connery & Mr. Moore, Star Wars
I am a writer and have several more books in the works
I am a chef
I guess for now that is it. If you would like to apply for the open girlfriend position I assume you know me well enough to know my contact info–it is available on my website too.
Maura out
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