Okay, the job search is moving along but with all the postings I have been reading I decided to have a little fun this week, and let me know if you find the Easter Eggs!
Technical Sorcerer LLC
Job: Junior Apothicarian
Technical Sorcerer LLC (no affiliation with Tactical Sorcerer Inc.) founded in 369 bce has been bringing customers the fortune and Karma they seek from the very beginning. We make it our mission to continue in our long tradition to enhance the lives of our customers. Our founder Nicolas Flemmel has been at the forefront of wizardry for 2,396 years in an ever growing and competitive market.
Technical Sorcerer LLC currently holds 85% market share worldwide and expects demand to continue well into the next century. We operate on a customer-centric business model bringing our consumers the magical gains that they need in their life via spell-craft, necromancy, and acting as an intermediary between them and the realm of the Yōkai.
Currently Technical Sorcerer LLC is looking for an entry level witch, warlock, or wizard to join our SEO (Spell Enchantment & Oracle) team. We are seeking a dynamic individual who can work in both a multi-layer distributed team setting or in a remote solo environment.
As part of the coven your role will be
- Casting love spells
- Casting curses and hexes
- Turning enemies into frogs, lizards, etc
- Shortening individuals strings of life or cutting them
- Ensuring Karmic backlash happens
- Ensuring the Yōkai are paid when outsourcing to them
- Keeping your craft area clean
- Filing proper PO's for ingredient replenishment
- Filing monthly expense reports
- Tracking your budget
- Billing customers (including appropriate sales taxes)
This list is in example and should not be considered exhaustive other duties shall be issued as needed
What you will bring
- Candidates should have a bachelors in spell-craft or necromancy (masters preferred)
- Must have an up to date Clean Cauldron Certification
- Steel toed boots
- Shall have a 3.0 or better in Cauldron Thermodynamics 201
- Need to have seven plus years of spell-casting experience
- Should be able to prove a progressively dynamic customer appreciation for at least three consecutive years
- Must provide their own Dybbuk box companion
- Must have their own wand
- A tarot deck or three
- A crystal ball or other instrument(s) of divination
- The right candidate will also supply their own unicorn
What we offer
- We offer Health, Dental, and Vision coverage paid 100% for employee and minor dependants
- For end of life care we have at no cost necromancy retrieval by one of your fellow employees–someone you know cares about you
- Free doughnuts in the break-room everyday!
- No cold calling
- Warm leads (customers really do come to you!)
- A hybrid work environment 2 days in the office 3 work from anywhere
- Your own webpage
- Cauldron loan forgiveness after seven years of employment
- Generous 10% match on your 401k
- 17 paid holidays each year (this includes solstices and equinoxes)
- 15 paid vacation days after the first year
- 5 paid sick days after your 90 day probationary period and they roll over to a maximum of 13
- 80% tuition reimbursement for job related classes
This is a swinging shift and employees must be able to work on the full and new moons. Also you will be on call one week in 13.
Technical Sorcerer LLC is an equal opportunity employer. We do not discriminate for religion, gender, gender identity, gender expression, sexual orientation, disability, or any other legally protected category.
This job is open only to residents of the United States, we cannot accept work visas nor shall we sponsor a work visa. Applicants must pass a background check and a drug screening as we do fulfill government contracts.
Accepting employment constitutes a binding magical contract, please read our privacy policy and our terms of employment before submitting your resume for what has been bound cannot be unbound!
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