7-12-2023

There is a cheesy saying you see in a lot of people's homes:

"Live, laugh, love"

Bah humbug!  After my last year I am opting to my old outlook:

"exist, hate, & pray to die soon"

In my lifetime love has never been what I've seen in happy couples–which is FAR from fairy tales anyways–it seems anyone who has said "I love you" has never truly meant it.  Twice now I have thought I found the one that would be with me forever, that my home and life were complete, and both times it has fallen apart.  Regular readers know the first one was doomed from the beginning, the second was doomed from a simple misunderstanding that just kept fueling itself because she would not talk to me about how my feelings made her feel.

So I give up.  I'm done.

I'm sick and tired of God/The Universe/Karma/The Great Whatever letting me get some glimpse of happiness, of love, of acceptance, then yanking it away from me.  I'm tired of God being an ass to me.  I'm tired of being Their punching bag.  I'd rather be alone, miserable, and hate filled than go through this again.

I keep getting signs that she still thinks of me, that she realizes her mistake, etc, uh-huh, she has my number so if that's the case why not poke her to call me oh merciless one?!  Why continue to make me suffer.  Why against all odds did you have us meet in the first place?!  Why did you let her misunderstand what I was saying then take a year to tell me only to have her say "too much has happened in the last year..." she caused the last year by not talking to me upfront!

If I'm lucky the Universe will smite me dead and this whole damn issue will be done, but knowing how God is I'll probably live to 150 as the last person on Earth after the Apocalypse.