Weight is down another 11 Lbs over the last 3 months, so closer to my goal.
Blood pressure is down a bit more running a respectable 112 over 60, and I take no blood pressure or heart medications. For a person of my age that is pretty good 😊
May 13th I fell through a staircase landing, broke a rib and pulled my back. Ironically I was with two of my crew to get them to repair that spot before someone dropped into the basement like I did. At this point it only bothers me if I lay on that side for too long, but have recently been cleared to full work load. My crew has had my back during the whole thing stopping me from automatically doing things I would normally have done.
Wound up with twitter again dumping Jobe’s profile on me–she has been blocked for 18 months now 🙄. The experience did not phase me, no anger, no depression, but seeing the same repeated lies, thirst trap pics (I can’t say much there as I have posted some of myself on my own Insta), etc that she has posted for the last 13 years made me glad I walked away…progress. I won’t say the trauma bond is broken, but I can see through it and see her for what she is.
I have realized that Jobe taught me a very huge lesson; if someone can’t respect my boundaries they aren’t worth my time.
Therapy has taught me that love is more than a feeling, it is the long series of choices and actions where you both respect and choose to do for the other. Jobe could say “I love you” and not return simple texts or phone calls, but instead could post on twitter and create a clandestine Instagram while lying about it. She could send me nudes and risqué pics I did not ask for–seriously, does that not seem like something special between two committed people–but at the same time she put her job before us. Post about being lonely on Friday nights when she knew I was here waiting for her to reach out. Subtweet things, but choose not to be an adult and talk to me. Basic respect was not there and love without respect is abuse in a pretty package.
My shop has been at a standstill of late. Between my broken rib, helping my son with some bills as he gets back to steady employment causing the funds to just not be available, and then adding the wet weather around here of late… Originally I hoped to have the shop up by October, now it is looking more like next spring.
Started setting fencing as the neighboring house has new occupants. I had to set a 1,000 pound log in one corner of my yard as the new neighbor had a friend who was driving around one of my trees and into my yard as opposed to backing out into the street–like I do every time I leave to go somewhere. The log does not roll, and my tractor has issues moving it so until I put a fence there as well it will do.
My hair is finally growing out at a decent rate once again, though there are a few silvery strands now–seriously just a few. My family does not really go gray until closer to their 80s so I have 30 or more years for that.
Conversations with Once Wife have been a bit more frequent. Neither of us have ever really stopped caring about the other. Three years out now and we are beginning to have actual discussions on where things went wrong between us. Three years and therapy before I figured out how to explain how I felt things went wrong–she honestly had no issues expressing her side to me. I won’t imply nor say I was an angel in our now nearly 38 years of knowing each other, but I also won't take all of the blame either. A marriage is 50/50 on everything, including issues/problems.
Will we get back together? We have not talked that far, nor worked through everything yet, maybe we will, maybe we won’t, but the issues still need addressed and seen before we can truly move on even if it is with someone else lest we sabotage our next relationships with the same issues.
I've been a bit missing on social media, but on the flip side as regular readers have noticed I am writing again. I am reading through Solitary Nonconfinment in an effort to tie it up so hopefully by year's end it will be in print. Rainy days may find me recording stories for audio books going forward as well. Some of my catalog of stories has been sitting for a decade now, and I think it is time they get finished and seen by more than just myself.
For now, that’s about all there is
Maura out
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