Ambassador Valkyrie

     Admiral Simineaux entered the chamber of the Galactic Deliberative intentionally a little late.  When the great doors swung open all eyes of the Deliberative turned upon her.  Her Marine Corp dress uniform was a bit out of place amongst the other ambassadors, and drew concerned looks from every delegate she passed.  She walked to the Gian table, and gently sat her hat down and then sat herself down as the Head Arbiter regained their composure and turned towards her.
    “I do not know who you think you are, but this is not a public location; you need to leave.”
    “I am Fleet High Admiral Simineaux of the Gian Navy, I am here today representing the peoples of Earth as our normal Ambassador Ms. Edith Bunker has mysteriously taken seriously and violently ill.  You can rest assured that both myself and our government find this sudden ailment to be very suspicious, suspicious enough for me to be sent here as things appear to have gone sideways.”
    The Taziconi representative stood and turned toward the Admiral.
    “High Admiral, what are you implying?  That we have done something to Ambassador Edith?”
    “I am merely stating that we find it suspicious that Ms. Bunker took ill immediately after an event held by these assembled delegates that corresponded with a rather aggressive batch of discussions in this chamber to which she voiced the Gian disagreement.  She is also showing elevated levels of arsenic in her system which is something that given her work and the relative scarcity of the toxin off of Gia should not happen, these are facts, and at the moment the facts I have.”
    “High Admiral, you can’t just walk in and claim things that are not true.” Stated the Ambassador of Tinselite.
    “Ambassador, with all due respect in my line of work the sharing of false information is not something I am accustomed to.  False information gets people killed, again what I have stated are very precise, and scientifically proven by the council’s own physicians, these are facts.”
    “These accusations could lead to war though!”
    “Really?  Did I specify any of you as perpetrating the act of poisoning Ms. Bunker?  Did I say it was intentional?  You know, for a group of supposedly intelligent beings you sure are acting pretty butt hurt over a few factual statements.”
    The Deliberative’s translators were having issues with the term “butt hurt” causing some giggles from the assembly.
    The Speaker spoke again, “High Admiral, please control your language; butt is not a normally spoken word here.”
    “Would you prefer: for a group of highly intelligent beings it is amazingly easy to induce a tremendous amount of painful irritation to your exiting sphincters?”
    “While that does sound much more dignified, it is ultimately making the same statement…true as it may be.”  The Speaker winked at Admiral Sinineaux causing her to smile for the first time.
    “Well, as a representative of the Cyber Collective I find great offense in being accused of poisoning someone, and of having a posterior sphincter!"
    “Ambassador, where does your exhaust vent then?  Out of your mouth only?”
    “That’s it!”
    The Ambassador of the Cyber Collective leapt at High Admiral Simineaux, their 2.5 meter frame towering over the two meter Admiral who was calmly sitting at the table.  All the Deliberative gasped and recoiled at the brutal display of the Cyber Collective as all remembered they were only in the council because they can’t be fought to a win.

    Meanwhile Admiral Simineaux had calmly pulled her side arm, advanced the cylinder two clicks and pulled the trigger.  The report of the 50 caliber roared through the chamber and was quickly overtaken by the painful wailing of the Ambassador of the Cyber Collective.  It wasn’t that the bullet itself did intense damage–though it did–but that the bullet was a carrier filled with nanites.  The nanites quickly began eating all of the cybernetic connections in the creature's mainframe.  The other assembled ambassadors watched on in horror as the Collective’s ambassador slowly, and obviously painfully died before their eyes.  Even the warrior races who had battled the Cyber Collective in the past had never actually seen one die, and though they had seen battle and death many times, none were prepared for the site.
    In time the ambassador of the Cyber Collective quit screaming, their body quit flailing, and quickly it turned to a pile of oxide on the assembly floor.
    “Now, would any of the other lead candidates on the list of who could have poisoned Ms. Bunker like to also attempt to start a war with Gia?”
    “I shall finish you for this outrage!”
    “Really?”  Admiral Simineaux reached into her pocket and pulled out a box the size of a pack of cigarettes as the ambassador of the Energy Collective, a being of living electrical energy quickly advanced toward her.  She flipped open the box and tossed it at the ambassador, and in a blinding flash the delegate ceased to exist as it was hit with a case filled with positrons.
Admiral Simineaux walked to the speaker's dais and took the microphone.
    “All right, I am done being Mrs. Nice Marine!  I am here because one of you lousy ingrates poisoned our ambassador at that fancy dress up party, and just so y’all know I only get sent in when nothing else has gone according to plan and everything has instead gone to shit.  OH, don’t look so shocked just because you heard the word shit ya dum fuckers!
    Now, as of the moment I walked in here this fancy station of yours has been under a communication lock and all entrances are blocked by some of my finest soldiers.”
    At that moment every entrance to the chamber had two marines in full combat mech suits step through the doorways and block them.
    The Corvish ambassador decided to speak.  “You have no authority to lock us in here.”
Admiral Simineaux pressed a button on a remote and the viewing screen showed an image from outside the station and what was looming over it.
    “Ya see that?  That is DN-63 the USS Missouri, my fleet flagship and what brought me here, that is my authority and my credentials, that is what gives me the right to keep y’all here until we sort out this mess you helped create.  Now that we have my diplomatic credentials cleared up let me clear up a few more things: attempting to murder our ambassador is an act of war, so someone or maybe several someones here decided to commit an act of war, and I am that act made flesh.  We have a saying on my planet ‘fuck around, and find out’ we are now at the find out portion as someone or several someones here already committed the “fuck around” portion.  Two of the leading candidates for Ms. Bunker’s attempted murder had stated intention to harm me right here just moments ago and seeing as I am acting ambassador they again committed an act of war.  What really tells me a lot though is that none of you so much as lifted a finger in protest, I did what was needed to defend myself and you see where that has gotten them.  So does anyone else want to fill in the gaps on what I am missing or suspect?”
    A minute passed before Admiral Simineaux spoke again.
    “Just so y’all know, I have all the time in the Universe to sit here, so when one of y’all is ready to spill the beans come over to the Gian table and we can talk.”
    She left the dais, walked back to her diplomatic desk, sat down, opened her briefcase that had been brought in by an aid, set her rubber duck on the desk, and began reviewing fleet movements on her tablet.  She had moved to authorizing logistic schedules when a very small member of the Oros delegation approached her desk and peered over the edge at her.
    “Excuse me, Miss Admiral?”
    “Yes.”
    “I…I…I hate to say this, but it was us that caused Ms. Edith to be sick.  We really needed the trade deal to stay as it is as it favored us highly.  Yes, you are correct in that the ambassadors of the Cyber Collective and the Energy Collective were also in partnership with us.  The Energy Collective managed to get the arsenic, the Cyber Collective was able to introduce it into Ms. Edith's cocktail, but it was ultimately my idea to use the arsenic.  I didn’t want her dead, just sick enough she would miss the voting today.  She was the block that was giving security to others to vote with her and if she wasn’t here then we hoped they would be swayed to vote for us.”
    “You chose to risk hundreds of billions of lives between four races just to keep a favorable trade deal?  Now consider the entangled alliances of those four races, it wouldn’t take long before most of the Deliberative would have been at war, then how many trillions of people would have been at risk of death?  You are now responsible for two deaths in this chamber as your actions caused both ambassadors to feel safe in attempting to attack me.
    How much money would you have actually made by keeping this deal in place?  Was it enough to justify a Second Galactic War?  Enough to offset the wartime economy and hardship of your people let alone the other races that would be dragged into the war?  Enough to cover the reparations your people would owe the galaxy for starting the war?  How many of your own people would die from a war versus an economic downturn from losing a favorable trade deal?  Or were you even far sighted enough to consider those questions?”
    “I hadn’t considered any of that, I just saw us losing a lucrative deal to others.  How did you make that list so quickly?”
    “I’m an admiral, I deal in troop movements and logistics, it is my job to contemplate every potential outcome, to always think five to ten moves ahead of my opponent.”
    At this point the entire Deliberative is listening closely to this exchange, most on the edge of their seats as they wait for Admiral Simineaux to declare war on the Oros.
    “I think you need to go to the main dais and explain yourself, take accountability for your part in this then let the Deliberative pass its judgment on you.”
    The Oros ambassador slowly walks to the maid dais and recounts the entire plan and who all was involved, putting it officially on the record.  When they are done they step to the side and the Speaker again takes the podium.
    “Members of the Deliberative, you have heard the admission from the Oros ambassador; those that find them guilty raise their signal.”
    All remaining ambassadors raise their signal except Admiral Simineaux.
    “Admiral Simineaux, you do not find the ambassador of Oros guilty?”
    “I am acting ambassador for the affected delegation, I do not feel it would be proper for me to vote either way so I choose to abstain.”
    “Very well.  As to punishment, I hereby strip the Oros ambassador of their title and relinquish them to their home system for the punishment of poisoning ambassador Bunker and for leading to the cause of the extrajudicial termination of the ambassador of the Cyber Collective and the ambassador of the Energy Collective.  Admiral, could your soldiers please allow the entry of our legal forces to take the Oros representative back to their system?”
    Admiral Simineaux taps her wrist communicator and speaks “at ease” and the guards step away from the doors.
    “Speaker, I feel I am no longer needed here so I bid you farewell.”

Maura Out