Well I'm still here, still wondering if a change of heart will happen or not--I have left her that option open. I am floored though with how many mutuals knew we were a couple & only recently said something about that to me. Many have had rough experiences with her as well--she doesn't like being told she is wrong publicly.
No matter what anyone has said I keep expecting her to change her mind. I still feel in my gut that the choice was wrong & she will come to realize it. The woman I know is still in there, but this odd person emerged when she took her job with the nonprofit last Spring. The job as I have noted before is mentally abusive. The employer is both demanding & completely inconsiderate of her kids. A few months into the job & the person we all knew before quickly faded away & was replaced with someone else. I have told her several times "It's a job, not your life" but she'd go quiet & double down.
We went from happily discussing things about being together to distant & at times resentful. About a year ago I got an amazing picture of her that was just for me, a pic that is still one of my favorites of her. By November the pics stopped. By August she was almost consumed by the job from Hell & by Christmas I only saw occasional glimpses of the person I love as opposed to the one she became. Obviously it all fell apart recently, but I think it stopped back closer to Christmas because by then all communication had basically stopped.
I don't know exactly why the total shift. I don't know why the job took over her life or why she allowed it to. I don't know how the kids are handling it, but I fear they are treated like I have been.
The last flowers I sent didn't even get a "thank you."
I thought things were looking better on my birthday as we had a 20+ minute phone call, but a few weeks later here we are.
I'd still have her and the kids here in a heartbeat, but there would have to be some hard lines and rules for that to happen.
Yes she explained the why of not coming, she apologized for her behaviors & I do accept those. The apologies are why I can still accept her as those are from her. The rules/lines are because I've had 3rd degree relationship burns before.
I've known her almost 11 years, she was my first DM on twitter & my 7th follower. I've known her through 2 twitter accounts, 2 tumblrs, 2 Instagram's, 2 Facebook's, a lot of texts emails, & phone calls. I probably know her better than almost anyone at this point including her mother. I know she is scared to make the move. I know why she is scared to make the move. I've tried to comfort her & assuage her fears but deep seated fear is hard to conquer.
There are little reminders of her throughout the house because I tried to replace worn out or missing things with items that would help her & the kids transition to life here. Things I knew she would like; she likes fancy table settings for holidays so serving trays, matching glasses, plates, enought to serve eight...no it is only me & memories. Things for the kids; special blankets, posters, a room being remodeled. Not much wasted beyond some clothes I had bought her--my youngest is going to re-home them for me. Funny that a couple of those outfits were even discussed, but that is how fast everything changed with the job last year.
I guess this turned into a vent, but I have no one else to vent too.
Prayers, spells, curses--aimed only at her employer please, are all accepted. I need strength regardless of the outcome. If I'm right and she is to change her mind I hope it is soon for the sake of what sanity I have left.
Maura out
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